I Don't Gots No Wikipedia Page

If you knew me -- I mean, really knew me -- you'd know how much I adore a merengue version of a Kraftwerk song. But you don't know me. How could you? There is no Wikipedia page for Sippican Cottage.

But then again, what would it say? It's a brand of furniture! No, it's a guy, not a building. He once taught Frisbee at a state college, but now he writes flash fiction guaranteed to make you reach for the laudanum.

But wait! Don't answer! Sippican Cottage is a blog! NO! It's a guy that writes humor. He used to be a bass player, but now he publishes a faux newspaper in Uppastump, Maine. I'm beginning to think Sippican Cottage is both a dessert topping and a floor wax!

So I'm not sure I want a Wikipedia page, unless it's like the one  Uwe Schmidt's got. Uwe Schmidt, AKA Senor Coconut, AKA:

    Candy Ballsak
    Almost Digital
    Atom™
    Atom Heart
    Atomu' Shinzo
    BASS
    Bi-Face
    The Bitniks
    Brown
    Bund Deutscher Programmierer
    CMYK
    Coeur Atomique
    DATacide (a collaboration with Tetsu Inoue)
    The Disk Orchestra
    Don Atom
    DOS Tracks
    Dots
    Dr. Atmo
    Dr. Mueller
    Dropshadow Disease
    Erik Satin
    Flanger (a collaboration with Burnt Friedman)
    Flextone
    Fonosandwich 

    Geeez 'N' Gosh
    Gon (a collaboration with Dandy Jack)
    HAT (a collaboration with Haruomi Hosono and Tetsu Inoue)
    H. Roth
    i
    Interactive Music
    Jet Chamber (a collaboration with Pete Namlook)
    Lassigue Bendthaus
    Le Diapason
    Lisa Carbon
    Lisa Carbon & Friends
    The Lisa Carbon Trio
    Los Negritos
    Los Sampler's
    Machine Paisley
    Masters of Psychedelic Ambiance (a collaboration with Tetsu Inoue)
    Midisport
    Mike Mc Coy
    Millennium
    Mono™
    M/S/O   

    +N (a collaboration with Victor Sol)
    Naturalist
    Ongaku
    Pentatonic Surprise
    Pornotanz
    Real Intelligence
    The Roger Tubesound Ensemble
    Schnittstelle
    Second Nature (a collaboration with Tetsu Inoue and Bill Laswell)
    Semiacoustic Nature
    Señor Coconut
    Silver Sound
    Slot
    Softcore
    Soundfields
    Subsequence
    Superficial Depth
    Surtek Collective (a collaboration with Original Hamster)
    Synthadelic
    Urban Primitivism
    VSVN
    Weird Shit

Now that guy could give my Wikipedia page a run for the money. It says here that "He is often regarded as the father of electrolatino, electrogospel and acitón (acid-reggaeton) music." Pretty sweet, that. But me? Moi? Don't say Sippi can't, because Sippi can compete with that. After all, I'm the father of Buddy Holly inflected Minecraft inspired kid-rock cover music; and I also used to sing That's Amore with dirty lyrics in a Beach Boys tribute band.

I will, however, struggle to ever top Senor Coconut's version of Riders on the Storm. But I'm young, and I'll keep trying. (Notice: At least one of the girls in following video forgot their shirt. I'm told some persons that I don't know object to that)